T9 saved my life

Ok, so that's a little dramatic, but I do like texting. It’s so easy and convenient. Obviously, many times an old-fashioned call is in order, but sometimes a quick little message just does the thing. I was going through my inbox the other day and realized that I have a lot of messages that make me laugh. Here’s a sampling:

“Hi herk iM AT .THE AIRPORT WAITING TO LEAVE BY SIX NOT SURE HOW I MADE CAPITAL LETTERS ?” –Dad, I think this was his first message and I love it so much that I can’t delete it. It still makes me smile.

“So pretty sure someone is waitin outside dentes house and is doing drugs and waiting for dente. Its the perfect time for stake out!” –Autumn, Dente was our old neighbor in Greenlake who suspiciously was MIA for like 5 months and then came back and said he was in Australia for business. We think Australia = Jail for drug dealing.

“H to the Ho Bag” –Steph, I have such nice friends.

“If I see my face in InTouch, I’m hunting you down” –Josh, I’ve always told him that I would make my riches from slowly leaking very unattractive pictures I’ve collected over the years to the tabloids when he gets famous. He said if I did, he would wear a t-shirt featuring an ugly picture of me for every interview. I’m torn now. Eh, I think I’ll go for the money.

Series of texts:
“Cab thirty dollars!” –Dad
“For?” –Me
“To drink what else” –Dad
“At 4pm? You crazy!” –Me
“Schools out for summer!” –Dad
“Yay! Congrats!” –Me
Later in the night when apparently the drinks were setting in…
“Your dad is proud of you!” –Dad, gotta love, out-of-the-blue drunken texts from your Dad!

"Can you find me? Of course not, because I'm in camo: -Josh, accompanied by this gem of a picture.


“Love you love you love you!” –Josh, awwwww.

“I have a Montana love for you and so its all settled. You will move here and we will hang out everyday you aren’t with boy wonder” –Alisa, this reminds me to cash in for this wonder boy.

“Psst. I love you” –Suze, another awwwww.

“Yesssss I killed her cousin the other day. We are such badasses. Regulators! Mount up” –Maddie, in reference to a picture of a giant spider that I sent her… I killed it. She thinks I’m a badass in my spider-killing skills. Ooh, say that 10 times fast: Spider-killing skills, Spider....

“My gas is fierce. Be glad you’re not here.” –To protect the innocent, I will leave this one as anonymous.

“Oh my god! OBAMA!!” –Mom, oh what a spectacular night.

“Remember rome waz not blt n a da” –Mom, this one took me a while to decipher and I can’t remember what it was regarding, but I love her shorthand. Take a guess of what it says.

“Thanks for tonight because” –Holden, because why Holden? Oh wait, the text was received at 3:28am. Looks like someone had 1 too many drinks to actually finish the text. :)

Series of texts:
“Happy Friday!” –Me, I’m actually not quite sure what I originally wrote, but it was something along those lines.
“Cus me i am driving u r nt to text while i m driving” –Dad
“Huh?” –Me
“Text lang” –Dad

"The one thing I know I did right in my life was you." -Mom, awwwwww, so sweet.

“Do I get to keep the novelty toilet paper?!” –Holden, when I moved out of my apartment with him, I left some really awesome anti-tobacco toilet paper. He loved it, as well as the Mary Kay Satin Hands soap. Loved that stuff. So did every guy that walked out of that bathroom. It was quite funny actually.

“Jack’s hot, even while drooling.” –Stephanie, gotta love back and forth texting while watching TV shows.

“I love youk. Pa iam drink” –Maddie, when Maddie, or rather “Jenny” went out with the girls for her “21st” birthday. Good story.

“I just saw you sing the wrong lyrics” –Maddie, surprise, surprise! We were at a bar, sitting across the table from each other and I was singing a song (can’t remember which one) and I get this text. More proof that I’m a lyric master.

"Jack Bauer says he misses you." - Stephanie, So what? We like to text about JB and 24... and ANTM, GG, and....

“Lily has dingleberries on her backside!” –Dad, We use the word “dingleberry” a lot because when I was little I asked him what they were, thinking they were real berries, and when I found out the truth, I died laughing. Since then, we occasionally use it as a term of endearment.

“Im gonna shave he butt and make her walk backwards!” – Dad, Watch out, Mom! Your dog might be in trouble.

“Let’s all raise out glasses to Bea Arthur, the great Golden Girl, who died yesterday at age 86 of cancer. Thanks for all of the laughs.” –Josh, ummmm, ok?

“I was going to hold out for this one but fine. I will take off my bra… Call me if you want to talk. Even if its about my chest hair” –Anonymous, she was trying to make me laugh and it worked quite well, especially the chest hair part.